Scrofulous Sal – A Lowenbrau Story

This charming family portrait was snapped on the deck of the “Scrofulous Sal”, one of the fleet of pleasure craft operated by Nine-Toed Cholmondeley (Proprietary Limited)

Little Wendy, Great Aunt Eunice, Grandmamma and Grandpapa Lowenbrau, the “Danger twins” and Mother were ensconced on the deck of an old wooden ship taking a cruise along the Brittany coastline.

The tour was operated by man who surprisingly introduced himself as “Nine-toed Cholmondeley”.

“Please take our photograph.” Ordered Grandmamma handing Cholmondeley her Rolleiflex.

“Aye, and I’ll take more than that my Rubenesque beauty!”

Nine-toed Cholmondeley gave the family menacing gestures with a blunderbuss and Great Aunt Eunice a lascivious stare with his one, unpatched eye.

“Give me your booty!”

Eunice was strangely taken with the pirate’s flaming red beard and enormous pantaloons.

Cholmondeley, distracted by Eunice’s charms, failed to notice the Danger Twins who, ignoring their mother’s clear instructions to never play with matches, set fire to the mainsail.

“Abandon ship!” cried Cholmondeley leaping from the forecastle into the mouth of a waiting shark as Grandpappa put out the fire in a moment with the ship’s fire extinguisher.

“Tut, tut, tut!” said Great Aunt Eunice.

“Well that is just typical!”  sighed Mother.

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Note: Cholmondeley is one of those names the British use to identify people from the “right” class. If you do not want to be exposed as a frightful pleb then you must pronounce it as “Chumlee”.

I thought of illustrating my photo of St Servan, Brittany with a little rendition of the Lowenbrau family which I drew for fun yesterday. I coloured it in with the stylus on Word and cut it out using the “remove background” function on PowerPoint. Hope you like my idea of them.

Many thanks to Louise from The Storyteller’s Abode for the photo prompt this week for Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers.