Anyone reading my posts may glean that I am a man of tradition. I embrace the antique, the historical and the vintage.
Some may even call me a Retrosexual.
However, I feel that I must take a stand against the one traditional male item of attire that to me personifies everything that is idiotic and pointless. That one redundant item that serves no useful purpose except perhaps to define the “professional” from the “labourer”; that disgusting yoke of servitude….The necktie.
Anyone living in Western Australia knows one thing. It is damned hot!
Anyone living in Britain, from where I assume we inherited this absurd fashion, knows that it often is not.
Now if a tie started its life as a sensible means of keeping out the cold I can understand it, but in a climate where, for example, we are expecting the mercury to hit 100 degrees on Friday then anything that restricts the dispersion of heat from the neck is frankly ludicrous.
The history of the necktie is a fascinating one.
This is a quote from that repository of all true and accurate knowledge…Wikipedia
“The modern necktie spread by Europe traces back to the time of the Thirty Years’ War (1618–1648) when Croatian mercenaries from the Croatian Military Frontier in French service, wearing their traditional small, knotted neckerchiefs, aroused the interest of theParisians. Due to the slight difference between the Croatian word for Croats, Hrvati, and the French word, Croates, the garment gained the name “cravat” (“cravate” in French). The boy-king Louis XIV began wearing a lace cravat about 1646, when he was seven, and set the fashion for French nobility. This new article of clothing started a fashion craze in Europe; both men and women wore pieces of fabric around their necks. From its introduction by the French king, men wore lace cravats, or jabots, that took a large amount of time and effort to arrange. These cravats were often tied in place by cravat strings, arranged neatly and tied in a bow.”
You can go to the original article if you want to know how to tie a half Windsor with a dimple.
More sane people will stand back and perhaps ask themselves why a large number of men still persist in wandering about with a pointless piece of rag laboriously fastened around their necks?
Busy as I am, I did spend a moment the other day working out how many layers of fabric end up around your neck if you wear a tie.
Ten by my calculations.
6 for the collar (including lining) and 4 for the tie if you include the lining, the seam and the fabric. I could not calculate how many layers at the front it you went for the full Windsor knot. The maths proved too difficult.
Now if some chappy came up to me with 10 layers of cloth on a 100 degree day and said,
“I say, here’s a thought. How about your wrap all of these around your neck?” Then I am sure the majority would offer to wrap them around the speaker’s neck with alacrity.
But, due to some Parisians several hundred years ago exhibiting a man-crush for some Croatian mercenaries we are doomed to wear a sad vestige of this early trend, bound to fashion by a silken cord. (or cheap polyester if silk is beyond your purse).
I can almost feel my blood pressure rising beneath my Balenciaga fabric remnant just by writing about this vile item.
Add to this that, for the majority of men, who, being men, tend not to be excessively fastidious, most ties end up as visual records of their owner’s lives, the meals they have eaten, the drinks they have enjoyed as well as many more unspeakable bespatterings, then I ask you…”What is the matter with modern society?”
Wake up Western Australia!
Cast aside this repulsive accretion of the ages! Women no longer swoon at the sight of a manly chest! So rise up my fellow professionals and unimprison your Adam’s apples!
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