Mondayitis – Chocolate

Chocolate rabbit at Easter

Do not be taken in by the beckoning smile and the shiny shiny wrapping. This bunny is evil….EVIL!

Chocolate rabbit at Easter
I have a marketing degree. Why then am I still unable to resist this pathetic attempt at a rabbit?

Accursed addiction

Adipose accumulations

Accusative

Base behaviour

Brain beguiled

Bestial

Constraint’s corollary

Constant craving

Chocolate

 

Oh for the days when you could consume endless quantities of chocolate and then do something fatuous, like throw a ball once or twice and burn the whole lot off!

Now I think that I have developed “sympathetic calorie absorption syndrome” where not only does my body cling on for dear life to every calorie I consume but absorbs the calories of anyone eating nearby.

Without wishing to appear conceited, I have been considered by some to be quite intelligent and possessing an unusual degree of taste and discernment.

Why then do I find it impossible to resist chocolate?

The picture clearly shows the repulsive level to which I will stoop to get my hands on the stuff. I should be old and wise enough to step back and glance down upon this collection of cheap tinsel and say…

“How sad those poor saps who fall for such tawdry tricks. How pathetic the poor souls beguiled by the shiny wrapping and how disgusting the lack of control of anyone who would eat their way through such unhealthy muck.”

I should be able to say these things except I am too busy maniacally tearing off the shiny wrappers and scoffing down the chocolate.

And now to the most evil chocolate of them all…

Terry’s Chocolagte Orange

I would have provided a picture except I already ate it.

I do not know if it is universally available but this innocuous looking object, cunningly wrapped to look like an orange should be renamed “The Devil’s Dumpling” so evil it is.

Unwrapping this unholy treat you find what appears to be an orange in sections. A slight tap on the table top unleashes its irresistible power, for the sections then fall apart and you are confronted by the portions of wickedly delicious orange flavoured chocolate. Your fate is sealed.

One piece is not enough. Nor two.

“Save me from myself!”

And so I sit here, conscious of the whole Terry’s Orange that has now become an intrinsic and irremovable part of my muffin top, wracked with remorse and filled with shame.

Perhaps chocolate is God’s way of leading us to understand the meaning of repentance and Easter?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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17 Comments

  1. Oh how I needed this hilarity–thank you!!! You write too well, TJ–I can so easily visualize every bit. If we’re confessing (and I DO love the ending you wrote!), I managed to consume 2 large bags of Hershey’s kisses dressed in “Easter” pastel colors….and I’m only slightly remorseful, I’m afraid…

    Though I’ve not had the devil orange you describe, I do make my fudge with orange extract, so it’s similar and just as deadly good. But in my defense, I generally hand the whole pan over as gift to some deprived and deserving person!

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      1. Hahahaha–first world problems, indeed! I so wish I could send you some fudge–but the recipe is so easy that I call it “Cheater Fudge”; so if you’d like that, I can quickly provide it. Then you can judge for yourself if it’s anywhere near as good as the treat you wrote about 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. My dear me, I am laughing so hard… Terry’s Chocolate Oranges… we have them here as well AND if I remember correctly, they have a lime flavor and a raspberry one as well. Thank GOD the only chocolate covered fruit I will eat are raisins (which are bad enough as it takes a pound or two to realize you have eaten any of them at all). 🙂

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    1. So delighted to raise a chuckle. Spent all today denying myself treats to make up for my gluttony. I haven;t seen the lime and raspberry…but this is Perth. I am afraid the pound or two of choc raisins wouldn’t have lasted long in this house either. Hopelessly adicted 😦

      Like

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