There are times when one must not let good taste stand in the way of securing a bargain.
As is my want, I arose early on Sunday (4.30am) to venture to the local car boot markets in search of unique and priceless treasures to grace my elegant domicile (or “More trash filling up this dump” according to the parlance of the speaker when visiting)
Perhaps I would find a rare Scottish silver porringer or maybe a Chealsea Gold Anchor period figurine or two?
No…I found a pelican.
Now the devoted treasure hunter cannot afford to be squeamish when it comes to early rising, and when I espied the pelican at a distance in the early dawn light I knew I was onto something special.
While not exactly the same size as a real pelican, it was clearly visibly 100 yards away, perched on the end of a trestle strewn with far less attractive stuff; an old phone case, some scratched sunglasses and all of the episodes of “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” on DVD.
For some reason the pelican had passed unnoticed by several people who I knew to be notorious dealers and I quickly forked over the ten bucks necessary to secure this unique object.
Something within me did whisper “Do you really need a huge resin pelican?”, but my heart whispered back…”Indubitably.”
Amazed at its solidity, I tucked the bird under my arm and traversed the remainder of the market in search of more rarities.
I may never walk without a pelican again! If one wants instant popularity all you need is a huge malignant looking resin pelican under one’s arm and people will literally flock about, clamoring to compliment you.
“Cool pelican man!”, “Love your pelican, wherever did you get it?” and “What the f….!” where just a few of the many compliments I received. I also received several direct offers to purchase there on the spot but I was not letting go of my rapidly appreciating avian friend.
Buoyed by the adoration of the crowd I returned home in triumph.
“Oh God! Why!!!?” was the response I received from my loving spouse. The children were horrified.
“It looks possessed.” Said one kindly.
“This is the worst thing yet.” Said another.
When I was chastising the third for some stupidity or another later in the day I was met with a supercilious stare and the phrase…
“Dad, you bought a pelican.”
Apparently enough said…
So it sits before me now, its beady glass eyes boring into my soul, unappreciated by my nearest and dearest.
But I do not repine. I have the largest resin pelican known to man and if I take it to town this afternoon and wave it about in the Hay Street Mall I know that I will attract more attention than I have ever had before in all my 45 years.
And nothing is so pleasant as being looked at, as we know.
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